1 00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:10,943 ♪ I love you and you love me ♪ 2 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:13,812 ♪ We love you and you love we ♪ 3 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,882 Yes, it's Blarney. 4 00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:19,451 The earth's happiest bouncing ball of foam. 5 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:22,821 His daily television show is beloved by children everywhere. 6 00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:27,559 And now you can have these same adored programs in your own home. 7 00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,496 The Blarney home video library. 8 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:34,833 We'll send you one tape each hour, for the next decade. 9 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:39,371 It's like having Blarney as a delightful houseguest who never leaves. 10 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:42,074 ♪ ...and you love we ♪ 11 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,979 Whee! 12 00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:50,315 Watch this, boys and girls. 13 00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:53,285 ♪ Hey, hey, heh Whoop! ♪ 14 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:02,461 Now, I want you to watch this tape. It's very important. 15 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,397 Ooh, is it Blarney on the farm? 16 00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,577 ♪ I am Blarney on the farm ♪ 17 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:08,945 - ♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪ - No. 18 00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:11,636 Huh? Well, is it Blarney at the zoo? 19 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,705 ♪ I am Blarney at the zoo E-I-E-I-O ♪ 20 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:16,908 No, stop that. It's not Blarney. 21 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:20,312 This is a tape where you actually learn something. 22 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,525 Ooh. 23 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:24,950 This is... Your Solo Wilderness Ritual. 24 00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:31,356 Ever since ancient times, young children like you 25 00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,825 have been demanding and self-centered. 26 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,094 Me, me, me! Gimme, gimme. 27 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:38,477 I don't care about you at all. 28 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:41,433 So it was up to the parents to demonstrate to the child 29 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:45,970 that his unbridled self-centeredness would be tolerated only up to a point. 30 00:01:46,072 --> 00:01:47,805 That's it! 31 00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:50,642 Whoa! Hey! 32 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:54,112 And thus the solo wilderness ritual was created. 33 00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:56,814 Hey, what's the big idea? 34 00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:59,151 Left alone for several days, the child soon came 35 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,753 to appreciate the importance of his family. 36 00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:07,659 Boy, family sure is important. 37 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:10,128 Ready to come back in now! 38 00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,730 This valuable lesson learned, 39 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,765 the parents would welcome the child 40 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,802 back into the safe and loving confines of the family. 41 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:18,281 Oh, whoa! 42 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:19,705 If they were quick enough. 43 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,205 Neat-o! 44 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:24,543 Today, the solo wilderness ritual is purely symbolic. 45 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,611 Toddlers like you are taken out to the woods 46 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:30,415 and left on an orthopedically-designed stone perch for 20 minutes. 47 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:32,684 And then taken out for a happy meal. 48 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:36,755 So good luck on your solo wilderness ritual. 49 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:39,757 Did you understand the tape? 50 00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:41,426 Sure. Gimme cookie. 51 00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:44,095 - We don't have any cookies. - Go to the store. 52 00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:47,865 No. And that's exactly why you have to be left in the woods. 53 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:50,969 So you can learn that the world does not revolve around you. 54 00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,771 - Mommy's not going to the store? - No. 55 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,907 Oh, I understand. 56 00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:58,943 Daddy! Go to the store! 57 00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:31,342 Honey, I'm home. 58 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,450 Aaah! 59 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,498 - Ohh! - Ow! 60 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,122 - Ow! - Ooh! 61 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,790 Aah! 62 00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:58,803 Daddy! Go to the store! 63 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,673 - Daddy! Go to the store. - Hey, Earl, isn't that 64 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,942 - your infant calling? - Yep. 65 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,978 But my extensive experience as a parent has taught me that 66 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,514 if you ignore him long enough, the wife gets him. 67 00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:12,116 Wow, you make it look so easy. 68 00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:13,785 - Daddy. - Go, babe. 69 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:16,020 I have something important I want to ask you. 70 00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:17,400 Uh-huh. 71 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,558 Well, how do you know when you found true love? 72 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,794 Uh... 73 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,307 Oh! Oh! Shh. Game's on. 74 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:31,636 Oooh! 75 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:37,442 - Ahhh. - Huh? What? 76 00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:46,117 Guys, it's just a bunch of letters flying around. 77 00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,618 Bunch of letters?! 78 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,454 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, fella... 79 00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,890 Females just don't understand the critical role 80 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,559 that digital graphics play in professional sports. 81 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,496 We'll be back with more exciting logo action later. 82 00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,864 But first, lets get back down on the field 83 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,200 and check in on the game. 84 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,903 Boy, life doesn't get much better than this. 85 00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,916 You got your beer, your best friends, 86 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,407 and three hours of virtual paralysis. 87 00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:10,976 Earl, are you ready to go? 88 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:14,679 Huh? Fran, there is no going on playoff day. 89 00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:17,015 Only staying. Perhaps a little shifting, 90 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,984 readjusting of cushions, reaching for salted snacks... 91 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:24,155 Earl, you promised to take Baby out for his solo wilderness ritual. 92 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:27,092 - Not today, my sweet. - It has to be today. 93 00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,961 This is the third Sunday after his second birthday 94 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,063 as set forth in The Book of Dinosaur. 95 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:36,834 No... I believe today is the third round after the second round of playoffs 96 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,637 as set forth in the guide of TV. 97 00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:42,807 - Fine. - Fine. 98 00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,442 You win. 99 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,611 Uh-oh. 100 00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,847 Want beer nuts. The hot kind. 101 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,216 And juice. Need juice to wash 'em down. 102 00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:54,285 Hey, watch me pick my nose! 103 00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:56,687 Ahh... Say, Earl, 104 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,500 I think it's gonna be kind of tough 105 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,502 to enjoy the game with the kid here. 106 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,260 Want a puppy! Now! 107 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,073 So maybe you should just take him out 108 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,075 on his little wilderness ritual. 109 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,532 No. Not a chance. These are the playoffs, 110 00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:09,712 this is my comfy chair, 111 00:06:09,736 --> 00:06:11,614 and nothing short of a bursting bladder 112 00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:12,871 is gonna get me out of it. 113 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,739 Our exciting halftime show, 114 00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:17,842 featuring those turtlenecked youngsters, Up With Reptiles. 115 00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,678 ♪ Up, up with reptiles ♪ 116 00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,499 ♪ We're here to brighten your... ♪ 117 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,349 - We're outta here. - Yeah. 118 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,184 - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. Outta here. 119 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,720 Hey, check the game, son. Is it still halftime? 120 00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,533 Oh, uh, let me check. 121 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,057 ♪ Up with reptiles We're the greatest... ♪ 122 00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:35,893 If only the armies of the world could don turtlenecks 123 00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:37,696 and join hands in a happy song, 124 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,431 the whole world could come together 125 00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,165 in a joyous parade of love. 126 00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,435 Yeah, and you'd be the Grand Marshal. 127 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:46,004 - Yeah, yeah. That's me. - Are we there yet? 128 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:49,307 Yep. This would be it. Hallowed ground. 129 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:53,011 Prepare to experience one of life's most profound and timeless lessons. 130 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,780 - This stinks! - And not a moment too soon. 131 00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,682 I'm tired. Take me home. 132 00:06:57,784 --> 00:07:00,018 Juice is warm! Where's Mama? 133 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,920 - Yeah, yeah. - Gee, Robert. 134 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:05,190 Being here on this spot brings back a flood of bittersweet memories. 135 00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:07,470 Were you left here when you were little? 136 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,993 Oh, indeed I was. 137 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:13,165 Some 30-odd years ago, my father placed me on the sacred stone 138 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:16,468 and disappeared into the woods, never to be seen again. 139 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,714 You mean, he didn't come back to get you? 140 00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:21,640 No. After several days I was found and raised 141 00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:24,543 by a kindly park ranger who never married. 142 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,178 As for my father, 143 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:30,548 I can only assume he fell from some cliff or was eaten by predators. 144 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,817 Hey, cheer up. Maybe he just abandoned you. 145 00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:36,421 - Oh... Yeah. - My butt's cold! 146 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:39,824 Oh. Oh, yeah. Time to read from the sacred pamphlet. 147 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,360 Come on, gather around, guys. 148 00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:45,897 Yep. OK. 149 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,933 "Son, slash, daughter..." 150 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,135 - Hmm? - Um... 151 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:53,138 "We leave you here today for a symbolic ritual of discovery. 152 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,440 That you may learn that nothing is more important 153 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,486 than home and family." 154 00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,455 There's the start of the second half. 155 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,747 Yada, yada. Growth, eternal wisdom, blah, blah. 156 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:05,783 - See ya. Come on, guys. - But what about me? 157 00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,119 You stay on that rock until you learn your place 158 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,688 in the family structure. Or the end of the third quarter. 159 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,257 Why? 160 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,759 Because you have to learn that you need us. 161 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,127 That's the sacred lesson. 162 00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:19,642 Ah... to you too. 163 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,966 - This is so beautiful. - Come on. 164 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:24,035 - Oh. Oh, yeah. OK. - Come on, Roy. 165 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,970 Hurry, behind the wall. 166 00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,973 Ooh. OK, let me see. 167 00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,253 - Give. - Hey. 168 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:33,177 - Dad. Hey. - Nice TV, Roy. 169 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,280 Couldn't you get anything smaller? 170 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:36,959 I got it free with my subscription 171 00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,983 to Dawn of Time magazine. 172 00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:43,255 Judy the operator sent it to me. I'm pretty sure she digs me. 173 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,892 - There's the kickoff. - Oh. 174 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,628 - Jackson takes it. On the ten. - Go Jackson. 175 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:53,565 He's hit hard! Fumble! Who's got the ball?! 176 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,334 The picture! It's gone! 177 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,302 Do something! Move the aerials. 178 00:08:58,404 --> 00:08:59,604 I'm trying, Dad. Look. 179 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,173 - Maybe if we step to the left. - Right! Go to the left. 180 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,709 Left, left, left, left. No, no. It's getting worse! 181 00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:06,571 - Go the other way. - Right, right. 182 00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:07,912 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 183 00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:10,392 No, no. No, go... Go straight ahead. 184 00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:13,250 - Move straight ahead here. - Straight ahead, yeah. 185 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:16,621 - More, more, more. Baby step. - Yeah. Uh-huh. 186 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,823 That's it! Don't move! It's perfect. 187 00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,057 Uh... Guys... 188 00:09:20,159 --> 00:09:22,560 Shh, shh, shh. They're showing a replay. 189 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,422 - Yeah, yeah. - Uh, we're in trouble. 190 00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,230 Oh, no. Think positive, Robbie. 191 00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,210 With two full quarters of play remaining 192 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,035 - it's anybody's game. - I mean, we're in trouble. 193 00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,657 - Yeah. - Look. 194 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,438 - Hmm? - Huh? 195 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,608 Oh, boy! We're in a tar pit! 196 00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,455 What do we do?! What do we do?! 197 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:40,656 Oh, that's easy. 198 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,881 We sink slowly into the thick black goo, 199 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:45,750 experiencing crushing, lung-bursting suffocation 200 00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:51,022 until our lives are snuffed out in searing, black nothingness. 201 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:54,325 - Don't sugar-coat it, Roy. - We have to get help somehow. 202 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,295 How do you propose we do that? There's no one for miles. 203 00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,275 - I don't know. - Keep it down! 204 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,232 I'm having a ritual over here. 205 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:02,700 The baby! 206 00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:05,002 - Son, son, come over here! - Hey, little guy. 207 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,404 I'm busy! 208 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:09,173 Daddy, Robbie and Uncle Roy are in a little trouble. 209 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,253 We need you to come here and give us a hand. 210 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,378 You said, "Don't leave rock." 211 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,380 Well, things change. Get over here! 212 00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:20,418 I'll think about it. 213 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,754 He'll think about it? What's he have to think about?! 214 00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:25,923 Just how the heck does he expect to survive 215 00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,226 in this wilderness without us? 216 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,562 - Yeah. - Huh? Huh? Huh? 217 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:33,598 - Help! - Help! 218 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,034 Son! Hurry! Help us, please! 219 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,369 - Hi. - Oh. Hey, little guy. 220 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,671 I knew we could count on you. 221 00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:42,907 Ooh, a mud puddle. Can I come in? 222 00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,510 - No! No, no, no. - No, no, no. No, it's not mud. 223 00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,146 It's tar. We're stuck in it and we're sinking. 224 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,015 - Yeah. - Now we need you to help. 225 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:54,185 - So listen very carefully. - Ooh, a butterfly. 226 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,287 Hey! 227 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,021 Forget the stupid butterfly! 228 00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,691 Oh, pally-boy, I believe I can handle this. 229 00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,093 Hey, little fella. 230 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,728 Wanna play a fun game with Uncle Roy? 231 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,465 Yay, games! 232 00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,934 Alrighty. And you get to go first. 233 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:13,071 All you have to do is pull down these vines, 234 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:16,541 then lash together logs to form a lattice over the pit. 235 00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,788 From there, you fashion a crude winch, 236 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:23,381 and using a system of counterweights, hoist us out. 237 00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,682 You go first. 238 00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:27,986 We can't go first! We can't move! Can't you see that?! 239 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,321 - Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad. - Sorry. 240 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:34,291 Listen, pal. We're in trouble and we need a big boy to help us out. 241 00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:37,628 - Are you a big boy? - Yeah. 242 00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:40,598 OK. Now, go back the same way we came, 243 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:44,002 get help, and bring them back here. 244 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:48,139 Hmm. Go back, get help, bring them back here. Got it. 245 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:51,709 - I'm a big boy! - Yeah! 246 00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:55,179 - Well, what do you know? - I think he'll come through for us. 247 00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:59,283 Oh, sure. That lad may be young, and a trifle inexperienced, 248 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:04,221 but when lives are at stake, a sort of primitive survival instinct kicks in, 249 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:07,691 driving him to pursue his goal with sheer determination. 250 00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:10,528 - Yep. - Ooh! A stick! 251 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,532 We're all gonna die! 252 00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:20,238 Go get help, bring it back. Go get help, bring it back. 253 00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:24,842 Go get help, bring it back. Go get help, bring it back. 254 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:30,248 Go get help, bring it... Oh. 255 00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,285 Uh-oh. 256 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:37,655 Huh? What's that? 257 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:45,430 Oof! Didn't hurt, nothing broken. Happens all the time. 258 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,610 It's all part of living in a tree without wings. How ya doin'?! 259 00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:50,868 - Who are you? - I'm Woody, short for Woodrow. 260 00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,248 Glad to know you, and... 261 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,506 - You're it! Ha, ha! - What are you talking about? 262 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,976 Don't you know anything? Come on, come on. This is tag. 263 00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,923 Basic stuff. You either know it or don't. 264 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,425 - I don't. - OK, here it is. 265 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,616 I tag you, you're it. You tag me, I'm it. 266 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:09,120 You're right, you're right. There's no point. I'm bored, let's move on. 267 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:12,502 I know! Let's spin around and around and get dizzy and chuck. Huh? 268 00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:15,226 - Can't. - What do you mean? Sure you can. 269 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,406 - Barfing's fun. - Wanna see? 270 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,464 No. Gotta save Daddy and Robbie. 271 00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:22,500 Ooh... Daddy and Robbie? New game! 272 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,436 I'll be Daddy, you be Robbie. Who goes first? What do we do? 273 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,239 - I'm bored. Move on. - No, no, no. It's not a game. 274 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,008 It's not a very good one, but you're new at this. 275 00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,077 No, no, no. I can't play now. 276 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:39,083 - Gotta save Daddy and Robbie. - I got toys. 277 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:42,686 - They're not going anywhere. - Come on, come on, come on! 278 00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:51,028 Help! Somebody! Somebody help us! Help! 279 00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:53,931 Somebody save us! 280 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:58,403 Oh, what a nightmare. Every inch we sink saps our strength, 281 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,704 weakens our resolve, brings us closer to death... 282 00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:03,152 - And wreaks havoc on our reception. - Yeah. 283 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,476 Was that a touchdown or an ad for Mulching Mower? 284 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,023 I think it was a touchdown. 285 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,013 How come they're raking him into a bag? 286 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,948 I can't believe all you guys can think about 287 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,616 - is that stupid TV. - Hey. 288 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:16,098 I'll have you know that the soft blue light of the cathode-ray tube 289 00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:19,156 has always comforted me. Always soothed my frazzled nerves. 290 00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:21,659 Oh! Oh, my God, I'm losing it! 291 00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:24,328 - Roy, I'm losing it! - Dad! Get a hold of yourself. 292 00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:26,097 Hey. 293 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,599 Hey. That did the trick. 294 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:32,970 I got the picture back. Although, it could use more contrast. 295 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,273 Oh! Ooh. 296 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,941 - There we go. - See. 297 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,710 - Things are starting to go our way. - Yeah. 298 00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:43,414 Wait a second. Why didn't I think of this before? 299 00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:48,052 The TV. Convert it into a simple transmitter and radio for help. 300 00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:51,555 That's a pipe dream, son. After all, what tools do we have? 301 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,190 Well, I have my soldering iron. 302 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,527 And I brought these diodes, if that'll help. 303 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,301 - Give me that! Jeez. - Hey. What are you...? 304 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:07,638 - We are not gutting this TV. - Nah... 305 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,908 And... It has nothing to do with the fact that 306 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,143 we're in a crucial fourth quarter scoring drive. 307 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:16,280 - Mmm-hmm. - It's because... gutting this TV 308 00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:19,383 would be admitting that we've lost faith in that little baby, 309 00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:22,987 who at this very moment is out there... alone, 310 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,924 risking all... in a desperate effort to save our lives. 311 00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:30,128 - 20 yard line, first and ten. - Help! 312 00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:34,398 - Help! Somebody help us! - Help! Help! Help! 313 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:38,102 Yeah! 314 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:41,772 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Ah! Yeah! Yeah! 315 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,352 Wow! 316 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,321 You destroyed the entire universe. 317 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,024 Big ball of fire. Everything's dead. Nothing left. 318 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:51,282 - Oh, I'm sorry. - Oh, no, it's good. Bonus points. 319 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,852 - Lots and lots and lots. Yeah. - Oh! Again! 320 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:59,156 What'd I tell ya, Squirt? It's a great game. Can't beat it. My favorite. 321 00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,925 I'm bored. Play something else. 322 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:08,777 OK! New game, here it is. Gotta get two idiots out of the tar pit. Got it? Go! 323 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,768 - Yeah. Yeah. Two idiots? - Two idiots. 324 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,648 - Out of the tar pit? - Out of the tar pit. 325 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,205 - OK. - Master that and go to the next level. 326 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:19,443 - Three idiots stuck in a tar pit. - Three idiots... 327 00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,813 Wait a second... Yeah, that's it. 328 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:27,017 - Gotta get help, bring it back. - Wait a minute. No, you can't go now. 329 00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:30,087 Next level, bonus points. Save the princess. 330 00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:33,658 No, no, no. Gotta save Daddy and Uncle Roy and Robbie. Bye-bye. 331 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,227 But... No. No, stay. Stay, stay. 332 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,006 - But... Uh... - Bye-bye. 333 00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,197 But I've got milkshakes, Pixy Stix! 334 00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:43,033 Raw cookie dough! 335 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,671 Here's the snap. It's put down. 336 00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,273 Oh, it's just wide! Into the stands... 337 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,876 Um... I was just thinking... 338 00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,512 Maybe this is why Pop never came back for me. 339 00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:58,115 Maybe he stumbled into this very pit and was sucked under. 340 00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:02,820 Maybe he always meant to come back for me, but died a tragic death instead. 341 00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,889 Hey, wouldn't that be great? 342 00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:08,158 Hey. Uh, is the tar getting warmer? 343 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,661 - Uh... - Yeah, I feel that too. 344 00:17:10,764 --> 00:17:12,964 - Oh. - Uh, sorry guys. 345 00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:17,201 - Too many beers back at the house. - Oh! Jeez! 346 00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,570 That's the end of regulation. 347 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,206 We're headed for sudden death. 348 00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:25,443 Sudden death? How ironic. 349 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:29,080 Yeah. For some reason, I don't feel like watching the game anymore. 350 00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:30,748 Yeah, me neither. 351 00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:34,252 This moment I realize there's more to life than football. 352 00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,920 Yeah. 353 00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,855 - Let's see what else is on. - Yeah. 354 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,691 I can't believe you two! We're dying here. 355 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:44,495 These are our last moments on the earth, and all you can do is stare at the TV. 356 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:45,363 - Well. - Gimme. 357 00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:46,775 - Hey! - Give it. 358 00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,666 This idiot box is not gonna save our lives. 359 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,528 - Hey! Hey! Oh. - Wait, wait, wait. 360 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,935 Oh, Robbie! 361 00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:54,238 Next up on Trail Tips, 362 00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,741 I'm going to show you the easy way to extract yourself from a tar pit. 363 00:17:57,843 --> 00:18:02,012 Should you ever brainlessly stumble into one, just follow these simple steps. 364 00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:04,081 One... 365 00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:05,743 Two... 366 00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:08,085 And three, you're out. 367 00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:10,855 Wasn't that simple? Let's see that again in slow motion. 368 00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,924 What are the odds? 369 00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:18,228 Go get help, bring it back. 370 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,565 Go get help, bring it back. Go get help... 371 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:24,702 Wait a second! Bring it back where? 372 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,173 Oh... Oh, boy. 373 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:34,645 Hey... Ooh. Huh? 374 00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,414 - Oh. - Would you lookie here. 375 00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:42,586 Now, what in tarnation are you doing out here in these woods, youngster? 376 00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:45,156 - Huh? - Gotta find help. 377 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,225 Ah. Well, I may qualify as help. 378 00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:50,460 You see, I'm a woodsman. 379 00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:53,530 Yeah, I've spent years wandering these woods. 380 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,733 I know 'em like the back of my hand. 381 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,302 Daddy and brother are stuck in a tar pit. 382 00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:00,738 - There's tar pits out this way? - Mmm-hmm. 383 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,007 - We better find them quick then. - Hey, hey, back off, pops. 384 00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:07,044 He's mine. I found him and I'm keeping him. 385 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,680 Woodrow, shouldn't you be in bed? 386 00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,460 Wanna sneak into the candy factory? 387 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,418 It's cool! Piles and piles and piles of candy and no parents. 388 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,565 We'll get tummy aches. It'll be great! 389 00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:19,823 - Ooh! I love tummy aches! - Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh... 390 00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,260 Now, I'm sure that would be a heap of fun, 391 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:25,162 but this young'un's got a family to think of right now. 392 00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:27,498 And if you, uh, let 'em down, 393 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,534 well, you'll be all alone, like me. 394 00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,147 Lots of candy. All you can eat. 395 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,871 Fill up and then go sit on the swings. Can't beat it! 396 00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:36,973 Hmm... 397 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,710 Son! 398 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,979 - Help us! - We're sinking! 399 00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:46,049 Candy. 400 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,986 Hey! Hey, don't you look at that other thought bubble. 401 00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:51,188 We're family! 402 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,156 Yeah. We're more important than candy! 403 00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,736 Help! 404 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:59,396 Ah... Yum, yum, yum, yum... 405 00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,802 I know we're only moments away from death, guys. 406 00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:08,539 But this sauna-like heat is working wonders on my love handles. 407 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,641 I feel pounds lighter. 408 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:12,710 You know, facing our ultimate end, 409 00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:15,145 I find myself grappling with the big questions. 410 00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:16,880 Who created us? Why are we here? 411 00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:19,883 I created you and we're here because of your mother. 412 00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:22,753 Thanks. I'm ready to die. 413 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:26,690 You know, I just can't help thinking about that little guy out there. 414 00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:30,594 - Hmm. - Cold... Lost... Hungry. 415 00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:32,529 - Hey! - Huh? 416 00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:34,465 How'd you guys get so short? 417 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,468 - Yay! You're back! - Hey! And you brought help! 418 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:40,371 Hey, I picked you instead of candy. 419 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:44,275 - Oh! Way to go, little guy! - There's candy? 420 00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:49,547 Yes, sir, this little fella wrestled with some mighty temptations. 421 00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:54,118 But he kept talking about his family and how important it was to him. 422 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:57,855 He kept on saying, "Gotta get help, no time to waste." 423 00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:00,925 Excuse me, could we hear about this later? 424 00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:02,893 Oh. 425 00:21:02,996 --> 00:21:05,262 Sure. Let's get you boys out of there. 426 00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:06,976 - Yeah. - Let me see now... 427 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,901 I feel very funky. 428 00:21:11,004 --> 00:21:13,004 Yeah, I gotta get home and take a shower. 429 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:16,040 Yeah. But first, it's time for the all-important conclusion 430 00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:18,342 of the solo wilderness ritual. 431 00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:20,310 - Ah. - Congratulations, little guy. 432 00:21:20,412 --> 00:21:23,680 I think you proved to us all here that you're part of this family. 433 00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:27,129 And that you've learned to think of others, not just yourself. 434 00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:28,985 Want happy meal! Now! 435 00:21:29,087 --> 00:21:31,221 You got it! 436 00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:33,023 Hey. Say, stranger... 437 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:36,226 - Uh, the name is Les. - Oh, well, Les, care to join us 438 00:21:36,328 --> 00:21:38,829 for a colorfully-boxed dinner with a special toy? 439 00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,799 I can't. Gotta keep searching these woods. 440 00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:44,568 - Oh. - See, I left my son on that very stone, 441 00:21:44,670 --> 00:21:47,305 - oh, pretty near 30 years ago. - Uh-huh. 442 00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:50,707 Yep. Got lost, and by the time I found my way back, 443 00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:52,843 - well, he was gone. - Oh. 444 00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:55,479 Yep. Vowed I'd search till I'd found him. 445 00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:57,581 - OK. Maybe some other time. - All right. 446 00:21:57,683 --> 00:21:59,783 - No, no. Wait. Wait, Uncle Roy. - Huh? 447 00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,319 Doesn't that sound an awful lot like your story? 448 00:22:02,421 --> 00:22:05,322 Well, it's got a couple of superficial similarities. 449 00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:07,324 Look. What was your son's name? 450 00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:08,959 - Roy. - Right. 451 00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:11,862 - And what was your father's name? - Les. 452 00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:14,798 Well...? 453 00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,867 Oh, my gosh, it's fate! 454 00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:19,202 I was meant to help you look for your son! 455 00:22:19,304 --> 00:22:20,949 Well, I can always use a hand. 456 00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:23,674 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 457 00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:27,210 - Oh, Roy! - Where are you, Roy? 458 00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:29,847 - Come here, buddy. - I know that one. 459 00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:32,950 Huh. You think they'll ever figure it out, Dad? 460 00:22:34,420 --> 00:22:36,219 Figure what out?